If a child sees that he can get what he wants by throwing a tantrum, he may use it to control others even as he grows older, so, it’s important that parents should be able to successfully manage it until it lessens in frequency and intensity. Here are some ways that can help parents handle children’s outbursts:
- Distract. When your child is about to get upset, turning his attention to something else may work, particularly for those two years old and below. Try some distracting comments like, “Hey did you see that bird outside? Where did it go?” Resort to humor and turn the conflict into a game. For instance, if he refuses to take a bath, make funny faces or tell him that you will race him to the bathroom.
- Ignore. Paying attention to a temper tantrum (even scolding is attention, of the negative sort) and agreeing to what he wants so he won’t make a scene will only make him want to do it repeatedly. Think of it as a performance. If he does not have an audience, he will eventually see that it does not work.
- Call for a time-out. If your child follows you around after you have ignored him, put him in a quiet place like his playpen until he calms down. If you are in a public place, calmly carry him to the restroom or a place with fewer people. Remember, you don’t want to give him an audience.
- Teach. When your child is calmer, talk with him and emphasize the importance of using words instead of actions to express anger. In the beginning he may use hurting words such as, “I don’t like you!” Later on, you can train him to be assertive and say what he really wants: “I don’t like it when you grab my toy. Ask me first before you get it.” Teach him to speak in a respectful tone of voice and calm manner. Guide him in looking for alternative ways to work out a conflict. If he and his playmate are fighting over a toy, you can suggest taking turns or exchanging.
- Encourage. Observe a situation that he has handled well and comment positively: “You were able to say what you want this morning without shouting or hitting anybody.”
- Give him support. When your child acts out his anger, be careful not to label him as bad. What he needs is your patience and understanding. While he is still learning acceptable ways to express anger, believe in him and give him time to discover what he can still become.
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